he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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