happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
