Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
