I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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