yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
