i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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