I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize