a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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