I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
