Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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