I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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