I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
