i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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