I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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