she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
