Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
