she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
