My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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