Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
