we have officially lost it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
