Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have fence marks all over my body
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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