Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
