Pants 0. Shit 1.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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