Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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