Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
