Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
