YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize