I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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