Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
