Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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