i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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