I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize