We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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