Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
