I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
