I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My pussy is not your playground.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize