they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
