i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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