Got a toothbrush?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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