bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
