Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
