Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
