yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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