It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
