Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
