I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
