We're facebook friends in real life
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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