It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize