around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
