at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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