Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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