I showed him my bush... on skype.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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