Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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