he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
