He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
time to smoke my breakfast
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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