You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize