Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
