just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
