Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize