fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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