The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Swine flu is the new snow day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
