I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
