Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
