forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
